The YouTube Conspiracy

I have come to believe that YouTube has created a conspiracy for children. Let me explain:

I remember the day I let my son watch something on YouTube for the first time. We were at the cardiologist and it was taking longer than expected. He was a young 2-year-old and was getting antsy being locked in the same room for over an hour and not being able to touch anything. I tried getting him to read and listen to an app I have with children’s books, but that worked for about 5 minutes.

I began to get desperate because he was starting to yell and was on the edge of throwing a tantrum. A light bulb went of in my head. “He likes Cars! I bet I can find the movie on YouTube!” Worst. Idea. Ever.

He watched the movie and was fine through the rest of the check-up, but then he got smart. As time went by, he got tired of watching Cars (who wouldn’t after watching it 1,000 times in a row?) So I found Toy Story. He discovered the “suggested” videos so he began clicking on those and that’s when it all went downhill.

At first I thought nothing of him watching the Finger Family videos. I mean he was learning about the fingers on his hands and he loves songs. It started to get creepy when the Finger Families were bootleg pictures of Avengers, Peppa Pig and her family, and DC Comic characters. Plus, all of the singing was done by a woman with a really  bad English accent who is probably from Holland.

It gets worse. I saw him watching a video of an adult man, with who I hope were his wife and kids, act out a scene that they created from Toy Story. It was very disturbing. Some of the other videos include a mom videoing her son opening presents; some of which cost hundreds of dollars. It’s like she wanted all the other kids to be jealous of her son. (What?!) Others were of adults opening toys and showing how they work. And the eggs!! Oh, the stupid eggs. Whoever decided to cover plastic Easter eggs in play dough and then open them to reveal a plastic toy that is probably worth 50 cents needs to be put in prison.


Of course my son wants every single toy he sees in all of the videos, but the worst part is that he is entranced while watching these. I have to wave my hand in front of his face or take the tablet away from him to get him to snap out of it. When he does have to stop watching, he throws a fit and you would think his whole world had crumbled. He will literally sit in front of the computer for hours if I let him. (I have forgotten he was in the computer room before.)

I though that my son was the only one who did this and I was embarrassed to mention it to anyone who had kids the same age, but when I did finally mention it, I found out that my son wasn’t the only one watching these videos!  The more parents I mentioned it to, the more I found out that this was actually a “thing”!


So, I think YouTube is allowing people to create these videos to instill some terrible thing inside our sweet children’s brains. Maybe it will come to the kids all hiding in plastic Easter eggs covered in play dough and jumping out to scare the shit out of their parents. Or maybe the conspiracy will lead the majority of the population to start dressing up and acting out scenes from Disney movies. Either way, both of those are really weird.


But, it has to be better than what is happening in our country right now, right?


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